crimes of the FACIAL HAIR

The Ramses brand condom is named after the great phaoroh Ramses II who fathered over 160 children.

MOUSTACHE CRIMES VOL:II


vs.











The Assassination of Abraham Lincoln, one of the last major events in the American Civil War, took place on Good Friday, April 14, 1865, at approximately 10 p.m. President Abraham Lincoln was shot while attending a performance of Our American Cousin at Ford's Theatre with his wife and two guests. Lincoln died the following day—April 15, 1865—at 7:22 a.m., in the home of William Petersen.
Lincoln's assassin, actor and Confederate sympathizer John Wilkes Booth, had also ordered a fellow conspirator, Lewis Powell, to kill William H. Seward (then Secretary of State).

Booth hoped to create chaos and overthrow the Federal government by assassinating Lincoln, Seward, and Vice President Andrew Johnson. Although Booth succeeded in killing Lincoln, the larger plot failed. Seward recovered from his wounds and Johnson's would-be assassin, George Atzerodt, left Washington, D.C. upon losing his nerve.

STEALING THE MONA LISA

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

MOUSTACHE CRIMES VOL: I
STEALING THE MONA LISA, 1911

DaVinci's painting had been the chattel of French monarchs. Francois I bought her. Louis XIV set her up in Versailles. Napoleon moved her into his bedroom. She was Italian, created by Leonardo da Vinci over four years' labor in Florence, but France was her home and there she stayed for four centuries. Then on Aug. 20, 1911, the space she occupied on the walls of the Louvre was discovered bare.
The theft shook France: the country's borders were closed, administrators at the museum were dismissed, enemies of traditional art were suspected of evil intentions. (The avant-garde poet Guillaume Apollinaire was arrested as a suspect; he implicated Pablo Picasso. Both were eventually dropped as possible culprits). As the months went by, the fears grew that the Mona Lisa had been destroyed. Then the Louvre received word from the Uffizi Gallery in Florence. The Italian officials said they had arrested a man named Vincenzo Perugia, who had brought the Mona Lisa to a local antiques dealer in order to sell it and restore it to Italy. (Perugia, who had single-handedly stolen the masterpiece, may or may not have been part of a plot to inflate the prices of forged Mona Lisas; he had lost contact with his co-conspirators and decided to sell the original wood panel painting himself.) On Jan. 4, 1914, the painting was returned to the Louvre.


Hailed as a patriot in Italy, Perugia, while found guilty, served only a few months in jail. Patriotism is also a refuge for art thieves.

this crime hails the TIME magazines top 25 CRIMES OF THE CENTURY at number 2, just under the lindberg kidnapping. and my NUMBER ONE on the list of MOUSTASCHIOED CRIMINALS OF THE 20TH CENTURY

how to pickpocket: pt. 3

Steely Dan got their name from a sexual device depicted in the book 'The Naked Lunch'.

DISTRACTION
Just as in a magic show, the major method at work here is distraction. Human beings usually focus their attention on one thing, so if you give them anything interesting to focus on, they won't pay attention to their money and valuables.

In the pickpocketing world, distraction can get pretty elaborate. Two members of a team might stage a fight while the third member takes advantage of the inattentive crowd. Child pickpockets may try to show something to a mark, like a drawing or a toy,(see charles dickens' oliver twist) while other children sneak up from behind. Another common trick is to surreptitiously spray someone with bird droppings, or a convincing facsimile, and then offer to help clean it off.

One of the most effective distractions is sex: An attractive woman, usually pretending to be drunk, will touch an unsuspecting man affectionately, and lift his wallet or watch while he's distracted.

pacific drive GAME OF SKATE

Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.

although i prefer a 'best trick' contest, dekline is throwing this event.... and i'm hosting and announcing this 'game of skate' next saturday at PD skateshop in pacific beach san diego. if you wanna get in, better hook it up early, they're only taking 25 constants. it should run 'till about 3:00 so lets go skating after. who's got spots?

silence of the RAGS

Telly Savalas and Louis Armstrong died on their birthdays.














anthony RAGDOLL scalamere is in southern california and skating , after a long hiatus in the teenage wasteland of sin city. he is filming for the crimson - vid and hopefully hucking his carcass down the sixteen sometime soon.

DJ------comin' in caliente'

In most advertisments, including newspapers, the time displayed on a watch is 10:10.


long time homey DJ CHAVEZ offers up his mag minute for the masses to the tune of a scary fellow.

aaahhhhh......SOMEDAY!

vs.

the versitality of CLEAVER

The muzzle of a lion is like a fingerprint - no two lions have the same pattern of whiskers.

Cleaver (knife) is a large form of knife.
Cleaver (geology), in descriptive geology, is a ridge of rock that separates
a unified flow of glacial ice from its uphill side into two glaciers
flanking,and flowing parallel to, the ridge.
Cleaver (plant) is a burr-bearing plant (Galium aparine)
Cleaver (tool) is a type of prehistoric stone tool.
Cleaver (propeller) is a propeller design, esp. for high performance boat racing
Cleaver Bunton, Australian politician
Eldridge Cleaver, American civil rights leader
Emanuel Cleaver, Reverend, former mayor of Kansas City, MO, and current member
of the U.S. House of Representatives
Gerald Cleaver, jazz drummer
Gerald B. Cleaver, physicist
Harry Cleaver, Marxist theorist
Kathleen Neal Cleaver, wife of Eldridge Cleaver
Naomi Cleaver, British interior designer and TV presenter
Robert Cleaver, American WWII airman
Solomon Cleaver, Canadian writer
Steven Cleaver, American Author
Sue Cleaver, British actress
Ward Cleaver (DJ)
June Cleaver, Theodore Cleaver, Wally Cleaver and Ward Cleaver from US
television series Leave It to Beaver.

MAKING MONEY

Al Capone's business card said he was a used furniture dealer.


making 5 out of 1 :

Take a one dollar bill; use bleach or nail polish to remove the ink.
Then print up a new bill over the bleached one. using a high quality laser printer. i suggest printing out 5 dollar bills because there's no color shifting on the ink, and the "micro-printing on the 5 dollar bill is twice as big as compared to that on the 10 dollar bill.

this may sound weak, but it only takes 4 minutes to make one 5 dollar bill if you are good at it, and the security strip can be replicated by means of printing the letters on the back of your fake bill, covering it up with white gel pen ink, and printing over it (you will only be able to see the security strip from one side, but who checks the strip from the back or even checks 5s at all!) Do the same with the watermark. Because you bleach the paper, the blue and red fiber show up too.

if you think this is tedious(increasing your capitol 400 percent every 5 minutes) try working a fast-food job for minimum wage. Yes, i worked at mcdonalds when i was sixteen for $3.75 / hr. thats where i got the idea to make my own money. i couldn't ever steal enough from this shitty job to make it worth my while.

nice shoes DAN-O

Tigers have striped skin, not just striped fur.

photo: gareth stehr


filmer and fellow mustache farmer dan-o-zone dot com, caught on film trying to piece together the sequence of this cover shot, and think how he could have filmed it better. take it easy dan-o, the summer is upon us.

happy birthday to the QUEEN OF SOUL

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.



Born in Memphis, raised in Detroit, Aretha Franklin was born on March 25, 1942
Aretha Franklin is the undisputed “Queen of Soul” and the first woman inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. She is a singer of great passion and control whose finest recordings define the term soul music in all its deep, expressive glory.

why VEECE rules

find out about the birth and continuing radness of this sweet-ass clothing company in an on-line interview with brand founder adam cooke.

VIDEO REVIEW, TWS big ups the featch

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

Transworld Skateboarding Magazine, May 2008

DEATH: "BETTER THAN LIFE"

what it is: ................ the birth of the new death video
why you need it:.............. Richie Jackson. thats why. And not just cause he's in our next video. We've been backing this 60's revolutionary for some time, and with each and every video part this Australian just turns the knob of creativity and innovation one more notch. (it's also the perfect appetizer for what we're expecting in 'THE NOW') . But aside from Mr. Jackson, you're gonna want to spend some time with Patrick Melcher as well. Also on the innovative side of things, Melcher takes the pole jam, wallride, and one hurricane grind to new heights and new spots. Look out for Boots, Ben Cundall, and Carl Wilson as well. The Brits have never made the dead look so alive.photo:josh spencer

I, LIBERTINE and "you'll shoot your eye out"!

Los Angeles' full name is "El Pueblo de NuestraSenora laReina de los Angeles de Porciuncula" and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size, "L.A."

libertines: not only the best band to come out of the UK since THE CLASH and a stellar, STELLAR movie of 2006 starring johnny depp,,,,,,,



LIBERTINE, meaning pretty much a person who is not restrained by morality, religion or law, with the pursuit of personal pleasure being of the highest principle, is one of those things that square ass people love to read about and scoff at but never adapt into their true lives.
MARQUIS DE SADE for a refreshing perspective on true unhinged hedonism. from the man who's name has become synonymous with famous sexual perversity. so, what could any of this possibly have to do with the film A CHRISTMAS STORY?

















well , in one of the most fascinating hoaxes perpetrated on the american public, the story goes like this... remember how a major part of the reason that movie was so rad was because of the old dude narrating throughout it. it was ralphy as a grown-up . well that dude was also the WRITER of 'a christmas story' .
his name was JEAN SHEPHERD. before gaining all that fame from the movie , which released in 1983, he was a radio DJ in new york in the 50's and worked the Graveyard shift, which allowed him to get away with anything he wanted , due to the low numbers of listeners. but these listeners were loyal and felt themselves as part of a secret community that they called the "night people". Shepherd was sick of how media was seemingly becoming run by advertising companies and then, as now, was convinced that people wouldn't even buy a book unless the media told them that it was all right . he devised a way to put it to the test and created a demand for a book that didn't exist. suggested all of his loyal "night people" to go to bookstores and order "I, Libertine" by Frederick Ewing. Neither the book or the author existed. bookstore owners and publishers became frenzied trying to order this book that was in such high demand. and the hoax continued on with some people who knew the truth claiming to have dined with the author! it was mentioned in magazines and newspaper articles which were already giving it great reviews. the wall street journal eventually broke the news of the hoax . but by then there was such a demand that it didn't matter and Shepard ACTUALLY wrote "I, Libertine" for the paperback trade, in collaboration with Theodore Sturgeon. Copies can still be found, for $100 or more.

STRANGE CREW eh?

The longest word in the English language, according to the Oxford English Dictionary, is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. The only other word with the same amount of letters is pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconioses, its plural.


a year and a half ago i found myself in eastern europe with kenny reed, jose rojo, justin strubing, pat duffy, and kenny huges. strict homie trip , orchestrated by rodent. he just wanted to show some of his favorite peeps the sketchiness of this area of the world.

the day this photo was shot was the same day i was perched up on a streetlight with a video camera in hand filming DUFFY's multi kinked 50-50 . you'll see it in the plan b trailer. the dude is balls! and we all had fun on this total DIY trip.

skatepark opening in JAPAN

There are only four words in the English language which end in"-dous" tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous.




the land of the rising sun brings us what looks to me like a little splice of heaven on earth.

www.villa-spica.jp


opening on march 30th. if you happen to be in the hemisphere.

10 tips for STEALING A CAR

"Underground" is the only word in the English language that
begins and ends with the letters "und."



1 Bump against the car to check for a car alarm.
whoops. damn thats loud... next car.



2 Break the window or jimmy the lock to gain entry into a locked car.
you should've learned how to do this in high school when you locked your keys in your VW rabbit with the engine running
slim jim

3 Cut the steering wheel itself if there's a steering wheel lock.
you cant break a KLUB , don't even try . just saw through the wheel, way faster.

4 Look for exposed wiring that can be cut or for the central unit of the car alarm to deactivate it.
if you really want that alarm to stop, get to it.

5 Look for car alarm decals to figure out which method to use to eliminate the alarm.
don't even bother if its got lojack or some sort of chip.

6 Jump into an unattended running car while the owner is at the ATM, dropping off videos, etc.
this is the lazy man's opprotunistic steal. takes no skill, just balls.

7 Look for the car's title, registration or anything with a home address on it. .
you know they're not home, might as well go lute.

8 Stake out sporting events, movie theaters and shopping center parking lots
for the car of your choice.
since they offer the largest variety of cars in one area. and you can be pretty sure
how long the owners will be gone.

9 Find the second set of keys the owner "hid" in the car.
yes! people still hide a spare inside their car. or worse yet in a magnetic box outside the car.

10 Copy specific vehicle information and take it to the manufacturer to get a replacement key made. sometimes all you need is the VIN which is in the front window and the license plate# , um where is that again.

um. i dont really know if any of this will help. but stealing is against the law. so, um . dont do it.