OIL CRISIS?: CHEAPSKATE:? PENNY PINCHER:? read on...

John Larroquette of "Night Court" and "The John Larroquette Show" was the narrator of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre."

TIPS FOR SAVING MONEY AT THE PUMP:
Yesterday while driving with my lady-friend
we spotted a gas station charging $4.19/gal
for REGULAR! what the fuck has George W. gotten
us into? so here are some tricks to get more
of your money's worth for every gallon..
Only buy or fill up your car or truck
in the early morning when the ground temperature
is still cold. Remember that all service stations
have their storage tanks buried below ground.
The colder the ground,the more dense the gasoline,
when it gets warmer gasoline expands,so buying in
the afternoon or in the evening....your gallon is
not exactly a gallon.. In the petroleum business,
the specific gravity and the temperature of the
gasoline, diesel and jet fuel, ethanol and other
petroleum products plays an important role.  A
1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this
business. But the service stations do not have
temperature compensation at the pumps.
When you're filling up do not squeeze
the trigger of the nozzle to a fast mode.
If you look you will see that the trigger has
three stages: low, middle, and high. In slow
mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby
minimizing the vapors that are created while you
are pumping. All hoses at the pump have a vapor
return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some
of the liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor.
Those vapors are being sucked up and back into the
underground storage tank so you're getting less worth
for your money.
One of the most important tips is to
fill up when your gas tank is HALF FULL.
The reason for this is, the more gas you
have in your tank the less air occupying
its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster
than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks
have an internal floating roof. This roof
serves as zero clearance between the gas and
the atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation.
Every tanker-truck that they load is temperature
compensated so that every gallon is actually the
exact amount.
Another reminder, if there is a gasoline
truck pumping into the storage tanks when you stop
to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline
is being stirred up as the gas is being delivered,
and you might pick up some of the dirt that normally
settles on the bottom.